Day 3 3/4
Love can come in strange and unexpected ways.
Often it's hard to remember that it's in our every day life, the little things we forget to pay attention to.
Today I struggled to see much of anything in my life but pain and hurt until a small package reminded me what love is.
Today I took about fifteen steps forward, afraid of every one, but I'm headed for happiness and living my truth.
I told three different people that I was getting divorced. Saying it out loud was tremendously important for me. Enlisting other people in my truth is equally as important.
And then there was the call to my attorney. He told me to keep breathing and to do the next thing and that he would take care of the rest. And so it goes......
Today was a day when I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, disallowing air to move freely through my body. Today was a day when my stomach felt like it was on "that ride" and there was uncertainty running through me.
Today was a day i found myself on the verge of tears about everything, my emotions so used to being in check and not showing fear or weakness. Tears aren't allowed in my world and today felt like they were walking the high wire without a net. I feared breakdown at every turn.
I wanted to cry when the UPS delivery guy asked me how i was doing.
"How am i doing?," i wanted to shout. "How am i doing?"
"Fantastic, Jim. Just fucking fantastic," but of course, i smiled and just signed for the package.
I wanted to cry when Rosie the mail carrier came in with the daily lot telling me to have a good day. I sifted through the bad election mail, the coupons, the junk mail, the bills and then i noticed the puffy yellow envelope addressed to me.
Big suck in of air as i see the return address is from him. It's him. My heart drops.
Him.
Something protrudes visibly from the package. What the hell is this, I wonder. What could he have sent me? Something of mine he has and needed to return? Something to tell me he misses me? i flip it over and set it on the desk and go on about my day....for five minutes.
and then i cut open the top and take another deep breath.
When I finally figure out what i've pulled from the envelope, the tears come quickly.
It's a simple little plug for my electrical outlet. He'd noticed I needed one when i saw him last and told me to get one at the hardware store. It's dangerous he warned, I nodded and said yes i'd get one.
I'd forgotten.
He did not.
So today I found love in a puffy yellow envelope, delivered by Rosie, reminding me that it's the smallest of things. Love is in the details.
Love is in a mid-west town buying plugs for my outlets.
Who knows what tomorrow brings...
(djd)
Love can come in strange and unexpected ways.
Often it's hard to remember that it's in our every day life, the little things we forget to pay attention to.
Today I struggled to see much of anything in my life but pain and hurt until a small package reminded me what love is.
Today I took about fifteen steps forward, afraid of every one, but I'm headed for happiness and living my truth.
I told three different people that I was getting divorced. Saying it out loud was tremendously important for me. Enlisting other people in my truth is equally as important.
And then there was the call to my attorney. He told me to keep breathing and to do the next thing and that he would take care of the rest. And so it goes......
Today was a day when I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, disallowing air to move freely through my body. Today was a day when my stomach felt like it was on "that ride" and there was uncertainty running through me.
Today was a day i found myself on the verge of tears about everything, my emotions so used to being in check and not showing fear or weakness. Tears aren't allowed in my world and today felt like they were walking the high wire without a net. I feared breakdown at every turn.
I wanted to cry when the UPS delivery guy asked me how i was doing.
"How am i doing?," i wanted to shout. "How am i doing?"
"Fantastic, Jim. Just fucking fantastic," but of course, i smiled and just signed for the package.
I wanted to cry when Rosie the mail carrier came in with the daily lot telling me to have a good day. I sifted through the bad election mail, the coupons, the junk mail, the bills and then i noticed the puffy yellow envelope addressed to me.
Big suck in of air as i see the return address is from him. It's him. My heart drops.
Him.
Something protrudes visibly from the package. What the hell is this, I wonder. What could he have sent me? Something of mine he has and needed to return? Something to tell me he misses me? i flip it over and set it on the desk and go on about my day....for five minutes.
and then i cut open the top and take another deep breath.
When I finally figure out what i've pulled from the envelope, the tears come quickly.
It's a simple little plug for my electrical outlet. He'd noticed I needed one when i saw him last and told me to get one at the hardware store. It's dangerous he warned, I nodded and said yes i'd get one.
I'd forgotten.
He did not.
So today I found love in a puffy yellow envelope, delivered by Rosie, reminding me that it's the smallest of things. Love is in the details.
Love is in a mid-west town buying plugs for my outlets.
Who knows what tomorrow brings...
(djd)
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