Dragging my ass to Yoga....

Stretching my body, strengthening my muscles while I stretch my mind and work on moving past the fear. That's the way I'll spend the next 90 minutes of my morning......sweating and pushing myself to my limits, physically, mentally, spiritually.

Breaking this pattern of talking to him, texting him, emailing him, -it's harder than i thought. It's driving me fucking crazy, frankly.
In the quiet and the still moments of life, it's there.

I have to stop myself from going to the phone when I know he's driving to work, or texting him just to tell him I love him.
It's making me irritated, agitated. Like a junkie without a fix. I'm distracted by it constantly.

82 days? Are you kidding me?
I'm going to break. I can feel it. I'm half hoping he'll do it first. Is he struggling, too? The email and chat session a week ago seems insignificant. I need more.

In these moments, I'm not sure I can do this, despite knowing all the reasons why. And I'm really fucking pissed at myself for being so weak and not being able to move past this. This is where the tough girl in me thinks, "Suck it up. Stop being such a fucking wuss and just deal with it. He's going on with his life, move on with yours."

Tough girl wants to propel me to move on, to let it go, to stop worrying about whether he'll be there or not. Tough girl doesn't want to care. Wouldn't that make this a whole lot easier......

Found another song that seems to be my anthem lately. Can't stop listening to it..... and all it makes me want to do is reach him......somehow.......just get to him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bU1Yau9K9YQ

Every word

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!